Keep Breathing
by StatsGrandma57
Summary: Han and Leia cope with their daughter's being severely injured in combat. This story is the sequel to Not Our Daughter. Chapter 6 concludes this portion of the story. But there will be more.
1. Chapter 1

KEEP BREATHING

Chapter 1

(Leia)

My worst fears have come to pass.

Han pilots the _Falcon_ towards Gallinore, where our only daughter is in critical condition from injuries sustained during an attack.

"How many times is he going to hurt her?" Han snarls as we hurtle forward. The 'he' that Han speaks of is Jagged Fel. He and Jaina were romantically involved when she was in her first two years of training, but he broke it off, saying that he needed to concentrate on his career. Jaina took it very hard. I know that she's in love with him. I think he might be in love with her as well, although she's indicated that their relationship is in a holding pattern.

"Han, he's her commanding officer."

"And that puts him at fault!"

"Even a commanding officer can't account for all variables. You've said so yourself."

"He put her in the line of fire!"

I decide to shut my mouth. There's no point in trying to discuss anything rationally with Han at the moment. I'm not rational and I know it. I'm trying to find somewhere to put my horror and fear and anger, and Han needs to work through these things in his own way. I know my husband of nearly twenty-five years well enough to realize he's horribly frightened.

"If I find his sorry ass, I'm going to use him for target practice!"

{You've had trainees who died in attacks}, Chewie reminds him gently.

"And I took responsibility for it!"

{You weren't their commanding officer when they died}.

"I still feel responsible for it."

"I'm going below," I say quietly to Han. This is not simply to escape his wrath, but to do what I really want to do: have a good hard cry in private.

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(Han)

{Let me take the controls for a while}, Chewie says to me.

"I'm fine!" I'm not trying to take it out on him, but I'm not about to be pushed around by my copilot.

Leia's gone below. I suspect she wants to be upset in private. That's the way she is. Just because she's poised when she's being watched doesn't mean she doesn't hurt down to her soul. I'm the only one that she shows that side to.

And I'm worried that if I join her, I'm totally going to lose it.

Fact is, I can't think straight. All that runs through my head are images of my baby girl...the first time I met her, wrapped in a pink blanket...when she would run and hug me around the leg when I got home...teaching her about tools and how to repair things...showing her how to pilot...hugging her when her teenaged friends were cruel to her...when Jagged Fel broke her heart, the first time...

And now, because of him, my little girl may not survive.

Leia's in our quarters (yes, it's the same as the captain's quarters but we haven't called it that in a long time). I hesitate before pressing the button that will push the door open. Leia sometimes needs her privacy and I respect that. But the fact is, I really need her right now.

I walk quietly into the room. Leia is silent, trying to hold up as she's been taught all her life. I sit down next to her and wrap my arms around her. And the floodgates opened. She shook as she wept, and tears blurred my vision.

Keep it together, I tell myself. I've gotta be strong for Leia and our baby girl.

I'll schedule my nervous breakdown later.


	2. Chapter 2

KEEP BREATHING

Chapter 2

(Leia)

Han is holding me close, smoothing my hair, murmuring how much he loves me, and how strong Jaina is, what a fighter she is, how he's sure she'll pull through. This is an illusion we both need right now.

My only daughter, my first child, and as she's growing into an adult, one of my best friends. She was born of Han's and my love for each other, delivered from my body. The soft newborn baby scent comes back to me. I remember the first time she looked at me with those lively, intelligent eyes.

The idea that we could lose her is one where I don't dare allow my mind to travel.

I can feel Han's fear and desperation. I won't ever tell him that I do; it's not necessary. We have to face this, and face it with strength, but before we can get there, we have to take this time to be fearful, to be in pain, to fortify ourselves for the journey ahead. Either way, it will be long and hard.

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(Jacen)

My twin is badly injured. I call on the Force to help me, but everything is shadows, jumbled.

"Just bail, dude," Elon tells me. "Go take Jarik out to do something to get your mind off this."

Elon's my best friend in the galaxy, after my sister, but he doesn't much understand the Force. It's something that's hard to explain to someone not Force sensitive. Jarik just accepts that it's difficult to explain and moves on from there.

Sometimes I really envy him. He's an easygoing kid, not too deep but he and I are tight. Nothing really gets him down. Well, not unless it's a family member.

I go back to the kennels and find Jarik petting a pittin, talking softly to it. Jarik's great with animals.

"You should go work on your racer," I tell him.

"Not feeling it," he says. When Jarik says he's not up for working on his racer, you know things are bad. "I like the animals. Especially since right now I'm sorta hating on people."

"Not gonna do you much good," I tell him.

"You can't tell me you're not pissed."

"I didn't say that at all. But you need a distraction."

He glares at me with the eyes that look exactly like our dad's. "This is my distraction."

"Okay, whatever."

I'm trying to communicate via the Force to Ani, but his vision's as fogged as mine. We both know Jaina's in pain. Beyond that, all is clouded.

Conclusion: This sucks for everyone. Especially for my twin.

We're finally close again, and if we lose her...I don't know what I'm gonna do.

"I've gotta do a surgery," I tell Jarik, and I sit quietly, closing my eyes, and centering myself. I can save the animal I need to operate on. But when it comes to doing something for my twin sister, I'm useless.

"Give Threepio a break, bro. Take Allana to the water park." Allana loves the water park and so does Jarik.

"Okay. But I've got my comm with me. You'd better call me first thing you hear."

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(Han)

I'm the head of this family. Yes, that sounds patriarchal and horribly politically incorrect, but that fact stands. It's my job to be the calm center when everything is disintegrating. As a husband, as a father, and as a man, I can't afford the luxury of losing it.

But here I am, trying not to let any tears leach out from my eyes. This is my baby, my only daughter, we're talking about here. The newborn baby that melted my heart the moment I met her. The little girl who played with my old tools and later on learned to use them under my tutelage. The one I trained to pilot the _Falcon._ The young lady attending the prom at her day school...

With Jagged Fel on her arm.

Right now, my hatred for him is more intense than that of a thousand white hot suns. I know it's completely irrational. I know that the battle plan never survives the first shot. I train pilots and I remind them of this repeatedly. But Jagged Fel broke my little girl's heart, and I have never forgiven him for this. And now, I never will.

There's a roar from outside the door. It's Chewie.

{Time to land, cub}.

"I'm not a cub anymore," I snap at him and immediately regret it. He's called me that since I met him. Fortunately, he knows that when I'm stressed my temper is edgier than normal.

I climb back up to the cockpit. We'll be seeing our daughter in about an hour.

And that scares the hell out of me.


	3. Chapter 3

KEEP BREATHING

Chapter 3

(Anakin)

"Uncle Luke?" I'm trying to comm him. I'm not sure what's going on with Jaina, and I could kind of use my uncle's help. I'm sure he's in training right now. But he has to know what's up. I've tried meditating, clearing my brain, taking a walk, every Jedi and non Jedi trick. I can't get a clear image of my sister in the future - or not.

"You've reached Luke Skywalker. Please leave a detailed message. Thank you."

Gods, I hate voicemail. "It's Anakin. Comm me first chance."

I'm trying to concentrate on my drawings for a hydraulic system in an advanced X-wing fighter. I like doing hydraulics, but this job is depressing me. War implements are that way.

I don't even want to think about life without my big sister. Yeah, we're kind of competitive with each other sometimes, but she's funny and smart and kicks ass in all ways. We got close when Jacen was such a mess. She and I kid each other mercilessly.

All I can see is something red.

I jump when my comm goes off, but it's not Uncle Luke. It's Aunt Mara. I like my aunt for a lot of the reasons I like my sister.

"Anakin, are you all right?" She asks me, but really gently.

"You know about Jaina, right?"

"I do. I've seen her."

"Is she going to be all right?"

"Anakin, I hate to do anything but offer you sympathy, but you know that the future is not yet written, which is why everything you and Jacen see is a blur. It'll become clear over time."

"Are you going to see my sister?"

"Not right yet. Your parents are clearly overwhelmed and Jaina is badly hurt. It's not time for Luke or me to go. Or you, Jacen and Jarik."

"Got it. Will you tell me if you see anything else?"

"Anakin, I love you, but I can't influence you that way. My advice is to wait and hear from your parents."

Sometimes things just suck.

But at least she didn't say Jaina was going to die.

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(Leia)

"Captain Solo, Madam Solo," a med droid with a soft, somewhat lilting male voice.

"How is Jaina?" spills out of my mouth as if on automatic.

"We want to see her now!" Han says. His voice sounds angry, but there's an undercurrent of desperation that I hear through it.

"Please, sit down," the med droid urges us. "I'm NLBQ7, and I'm in charge of Jaina Solo's case."

"I don't want to sit down! I want to see her NOW!"

I touch his arm. "Han, please." I want to see her this minute, but I'm the sort of person that prefers to have as much information as possible. Han is normally that way, but where our daughter is concerned, he's not exactly rational.

"She is in the bacta tank at this time," NLBQ7 says quietly.

"What are her injuries?" I ask, using every ounce of control I possess.

"They are extensive."

"Details, please," I request.

"It is fortunate that Jaina ejected planetside. In space, she would have most certainly perished."

"Thank you, Mr. Obvious!" Han snaps. I hold my hand over his in an effort to keep him from deciding that it's a good time to engage in a fist fight.

I look at him with the expression I normally save for those trying to derail a negotiation. He settles somewhat.

"Her lungs were punctured, but we have been able to reinflate them. Most of her ribs are cracked, and she's fractured both femurs and the lower left leg. I believe that she has been spared spinal injuries according to studies but we won't know for certain until we perform surgery. Her one arm is shattered and that shoulder has been ripped from its socket and the tendons, joints and ligaments are destroyed. The most serious injuries are to her spleen and kidneys. We removed the spleen and the bleeding from her kidneys has been stanched, but we will need till she is stronger in order to see how extensive the damage is. She developed fever, which is not unusual for her condition. We have induced temporary coma in order for her body to heal. As to what happened or not happened with her brain, we are unsure at this time. Her scans do not indicate extensive bleeding. We will have to wait. What is truly amazing is that she suffered only very minor burns. Of course, the puffer suits they use nowadays do prevent many fatalities, and burns are the number one cause of that."

"Her brother invented that suit," Han tells him.

"Really? You must be proud of him."

"He's an engineer on Corellia."

"If you'll forgive me for saying so, Captain Solo, your accent suggests that you're Corellian."

"He is," I tell the droid. "We'd like to see our daughter now."

"You are aware that someone is with her, are you not? I believe the young man said that he was her commanding officer, but despite my emotional limitations, I get the impression he feels something more for her."

Han turns apoplectic. "Get him out of there!"

"Han, please - "

"I'm done with being reasonable! I want to see him NOW!"

This can only end badly.


	4. Chapter 4

KEEP BREATHING

Chapter 4

(Leia)

pWe're led back by one of the nursing droids to the intensive care area. If Jag values his life, he'll have left by now.

"She is in the bacta tank near her cubicle."

My mission is to keep my husband, who is aching to kill someone or at least maim them in a fistfight, off the young man who is his prime target.

"Han," I say as I give him my 'I'm done with you bastards' look that I ordinarily reserve for unyielding diplomats and inattentive students.

Jag stands up. "Captain Solo, Madam Solo-"

"The only thing that's keeping you alive right now is that my wife doesn't want any bloodshed," Han says icily to Jag. "I've got a blaster, a fast ship, and the vast expanse of space, and I doubt anyone would miss you."

"It was an accident-" Jag begins, but I turn The Look on him.

"Go grab three kafs," I tell Jag, handing him some credits. He looks baffled but shrugs his shoulders and moves out of the way.

Han moves forward to the bacta tank. Jaina isn't clearly visible in the thick, red gelatinous liquid. She's wearing a thin smock and moves about sluggishly, a breathing apparatus hooked up to her mouth and nose. I remember what seems like several lifetimes ago when Luke had nearly frozen to death and had it not been for Han, he would have. He spent a couple days in the tank, and swore that he tasted it for a month. Han disagreed; when he was in a bacta tank after being diagnosed with peritonitis he swore the taste lasted for two months.

I wish I could see her eyes. I want to reach out and hug her, tell her that everything's going to be okay. I know she needs me. I can feel it. And I can do nothing for her right now.

I was once told that a parent can only be as happy as her most unhappy child. That is being demonstrated in spades. She is my firstborn and only daughter, and those are two bonds that cannot be broken, even in death. But death means that the anguish lives on...and I tell myself, she's a fighter. She's her father's and my daughter. I don't think any elaboration of our stubbornness is necessary.

Han slips his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to him, and I have my arm around his waist. We're both holding each other up. Jaina is his baby girl. You could tell from the moment she was born that nothing would ever make him more emotional than his little girl. It won't matter how old she is; she will always be his little girl. Nobody is cooler or tougher than Han - except when it comes to his daughter.

"When Jag comes back, please don't kill him," I whisper to Han.

"No promises."

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(Jagged Fel)

Not many things scare me. I'm usually calm in the face of trouble. I've had the best training and some of the best teachers in the galaxy.

One of those teachers was Captain Solo. He was demanding as hell and he did it by making us laugh most of the time. Only rarely did he ream someone out in front of everyone, and when he did, you'd earned it.

I'd done everything right by him, but then I made a fatal mistake.

I fell in love with his daughter.

By the time Jaina and I had gotten together, I was no longer training with him. But when I saw him outside of training, he'd become hostile. He didn't make any attempt to hide it, either.

He hated me even more when I broke up with Jaina. It was strictly for professional reasons, but that only made him more hateful towards me. I really did not want to break Jaina's heart and I think she understood, even if she wasn't happy about it.

But then she was assigned to the same squadron as I was. I had missed her more than I had ever expected to but considering how intense training is, I wasn't going to approach her romantically. Once she'd completed her three years, though, and was a midshipman, we'd become friendly again.

She's a hell of a pilot. No one else would have survived the maneuver that she pulled off. So naturally, I wanted her as part of my squadron. Her dad had taught her well even before the Navy.

He knew my father and to the best of my knowledge, they got along fine. I think that if he was still alive he'd have been somewhat helpful.

Or not. Soontir Fel was not big on emotional display. I'm kind of stunted in that area myself, but I love Jaina, even when it's hard to convey it.

I have three hot kafs and I discover that my hands aren't as steady as usual. I pack up sweetener and creams so that they can take it as they like. The kaf here is pretty terrible, but it's what's keeping me awake. I won't sleep till Jaina wakes up.

And when she does, I'm going to ask her to marry me. Assuming Captain Solo doesn't murder me first.

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(Han)

I'm having flashbacks, all the way back to the time when our first twin was delivered and the droid told us, "It's a girl!" She was wrapped in a tiny pink blanket and handed to me. I remember the look in her eyes as she stared at me for the first time. I was instantly in love with that tiny angel.

I see her and her brother in the hold of my ship, playing with their toys, practicing their walking, laughing and babbling and trying to get my attention, which wasn't very hard. Where once my ship held contraband, it now held toys, diapers, and sippy cups. I was elated with the change, especially since before Leia I could not have envisioned it.

I remember walking them to their first day of school as they proudly displayed their new backpacks. Jacen was shy, always has been, but Jaina just plunged into the fray and then proceeded to dominate it.

The first time she flew my ship is etched in my mind forever. It was clear that she was born to fly. The day she came home from school and was in tears after having been snubbed by her friends. That turned out to be a great day.

The first date she ever had with Jagged Fel...I'd rather not think about that one.

And the day she was accepted to the Naval Academy at Carida...I was proud of her, but more fearful than that.

And now, in the bacta tank before me, are my worst fears confirmed. Jaina is holding on with all her might but I've seen enough battle casualties to know that sometimes will isn't sufficient. She is very, very sick.

I can't lose her. I just can't.


	5. Chapter 5

KEEP BREATHING

Chapter 5

(Jag)

"Thanks for grabbing us some kaf," Madam Solo says to me. Captain Solo just grunts something unintelligible and if looks could kill, let's say I'd be dead by now.

A nursing droid comes over. "Please wait out in the family and friends room. We have some work to do."

"How long till we can come back?" Even leaving Jaina for a second is more than I can handle right now, but I'm not exactly being consulted on this.

"Give us half an hour. She seems to be stable, but we need to adjust her bacta concentration."

Han turns to glare at me. His eyes are filled with hate. "I don't care how long till we return. You're not going to. At all. Ever."

"Han, not right now. Please," Madam Solo says firmly.

Captain Solo isn't in the mood to listen to his wife. I've seen Voxyn look more amenable. He stabs his finger in my face.

"What were you thinking? Did you bother to consider what might happen to her? Did you even think through your battle plan! You're responsible for this!"

"Han, enough!" Madam Solo snaps at him. Loudly. It's enough to jolt the droids.

"Excuse me, Captain Solo - " I try to start by speaking in a tone of reason.

"There's no excuse for you! You put my little girl in danger!" I think everyone for fifty kilometers can hear Captain Solo shouting.

Madam Solo shouts back, "Being in the Navy put her in danger, Han!" She turns on her heel and stomps away, probably disgusted with both of us.

"And she did it so she could be close to you!" Han screams at me.

I'm a disciplined person, and I'm good at taking orders, but I'm not going to take this.

"She decided on her own to join the Navy! I had nothing to do with it! I realize I'm shouting.

"Oh, the hell you didn't! You break her heart, which would be sufficient for me to kill you, but then you put her in harm's way - "

"We were all in harm's way! You were the one that explained that over and over again! Jaina loves flying and her dream's always been to be a pilot! I broke up with her because I had to focus on training! But I never stopped loving her! I love her more than ever!"

"Gentlemen, if you do not leave the area, I will be forced to call security!" An admin droid says to us in a tone that's as threatening as a droid can get.

"You stay away from my daughter! I'm going to report you to your superior officer!"

"It's been done!"

Captain Solo is taller than me, but he's up close and personal in my face.

"If my little girl dies, I'm holding you responsible!" He's hissing at me.

"She's not a little girl! She's a grown woman and you refuse to see it!"

His eyes narrow at me. "Someday, assuming I decide not to kill you, you'll have a daughter of your own and then maybe, just maybe, you'll get it!"

"She's the woman I love! And I'm going to ask her to marry me!"

Captain Solo shoots me a lethal look. "If you're asking me for my blessing, you're gonna wait a long, long time before you get it."

"I don't need your blessing! And neither does Jaina!"

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(Leia)

Han stormed back into the family waiting room. I am not pleased with his behavior.

"I could hear you out there," I snap at him. "Why are you holding Jag responsible for this?" It's a rhetorical question; I know damn well why he is.

"Do you know what that jerk is going to do?" If anything, the fury on his face has intensified.

"I don't see what he can do at this moment," I say to him, softening my tone somewhat.

"He's going to propose to her! Can you believe it! He acts like she's going to pop out of the bacta tank and be perfectly healthy and whole and he just assumes she's in love with him!"

"Han, she IS in love with him. And has been since she was fifteen years old."

He sits down next to me, burying his face in his hands.

"She's way too young to get married," he says.

I hold my tongue; he's assuming Jaina will survive, and that is not a certainty.

"Han, how old was I when you kissed me?"

"That was different."

"No, it wasn't. I was twenty-two, the age she is now. And you were ten years older than me. If that didn't have trouble written all over it, I don't know what did."

He's silent for a long time. I put my arm around him, holding him close.

"She'll always be your little girl, Han."

At long last, he looks at me, his face contorted with pain.

"I love her so much. I can't stand the idea that I'd lose her."

"To her injuries or to Jag?"

He doesn't answer. He doesn't have to.


	6. Chapter 6

KEEP BREATHING

Chapter 6

(Leia)

Han is leaning against me after yet another episode of pacing. Jag is seated across from us, head down, not looking at us. I slept for a short time and my neck knows it.

It's my hypothesis that medcenter furniture is so uncomfortable because they really don't want family and friends hanging out for long. We get in the way of their routines and sometimes we have arguments that get loud and vicious.

I feel bad for Jag; there was nothing he could have u done. He loves our daughter. I wish Han could understand that, bt she's Daddy's girl, and at some level he will never let go of that. She will forever be that tiny bundle in a pink blanket that he's holding for the first time.

My daughter is a wonderful young woman. She's tough, she's funny, she's courageous, and importantly, she's learning compassion, how to give love and receive it. It would seem a violation of all that is just and good to take her from us now. I'm well aware that the universe isn't fair, but I've already seen the evidence and I'm convinced. I don't need to have that point driven home again.

Just keep breathing, I whisper.

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(Han)

We could all use some sleep but that's not gonna happen till we learn how my baby girl is.

She has to get well. She has to.

Leia's leaning against me, her head on my chest. I know her pain as she knows mine. We have to stick together on this, more so maybe than we've ever had before.

I love all my children, more so than I ever imagined, but fathers and daughters, that's a bond like no other.

The hardest part of it is knowing that someday, I will always lose to other men, the men that our daughters meet, fall in love with, and maybe marry.

It'd be hard on me to lose Jaina to another man.

But I'd rather lose her to a man she loves than to lose her to time and eternity.

Keep breathing, baby girl. Keep breathing.

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(Jag)

I made a huge mistake five years ago.

I broke up with Jaina Solo.

I felt that I needed to devote myself, heart and soul, to the Navy. I wanted to be the ace pilot of all pilots. Even better than my teacher Han Solo, although that's a challenge I've yet to meet. I was itching for a battle, a skirmish, a war, where I could prove myself.

If I'd been the one whose ship had been blown up, I'd have accepted it. It's part of being a soldier. And as the leader of the squadron, I am responsible. But this goes beyond responsibility to those who serve under me.

Truth is, I was scared to death of falling in love. I thought it would make me distracted and blind, unable to concentrate, unable to make decisions.

But I've learned that in fact not being open to love will do all of the above and make you into less of a man and more of a machine. I don't want to live that way. I want to live with the woman I love. Captain Solo will just have to learn to deal.

Keep breathing, Jaina my love.

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"Family of Jaina Solo?"

"Yes."

"She's awake."


End file.
